Daniel makes stuff, and, in his spare time, writes about things like movies, kid culture, and geek stuff.
How Sweden Handles Parental Leave

Sweden’s progressive parental leave laws – extended in equal, generous parts to both mothers and fathers – has been redefining their own cultural concepts of masculinity.

Companies have come to expect employees to take leave irrespective of gender, and not to penalize fathers at promotion time. Women’s paychecks are benefiting and the shift in fathers’ roles is perceived as playing a part in lower divorce rates and increasing joint custody of children.

In perhaps the most striking example of social engineering, a new definition of masculinity is emerging.

“Many men no longer want to be identified just by their jobs,” said Bengt Westerberg, who long opposed quotas but as deputy prime minister phased in a first month of paternity leave in 1995. “Many women now expect their husbands to take at least some time off with the children.”

Birgitta Ohlsson, European affairs minister, put it this way: “Machos with dinosaur values don’t make the top-10 lists of attractive men in women’s magazines anymore.”

As Jason Kottke writes, “Actual family values.”

This gives me a great opportunity to plug a really great new documentary about changing concepts of manhood and fatherhood, though: The Evolution of Dad, from from director Dana Glazer, is truly a touching, insightful film – I found it a fond reminder of my own dad and growing up, as well as a gentle challenge for us all to reconsider our notions of masculinity and fatherhood. It’s now available for order on DVD, and I do have to say, the film’s tagline really is true: “You’ll never look at your father the same way again.”

Jun 14, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

President Obama's Role as Father-in-Chief

There will always be fires to put out – and no matter our work or its importance, there will always be a point where we need to check back in with our real values and priorities.

I think it speaks volumes about his character and wisdom that President Obama maximises the flexibility of his office to structure his work around what’s ultimately far more longstanding – family.

Feb 18, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , :: #

More Ways for Dads to Change the World

So as it ends up, that piece that Jeremy Adam Smith wrote that I linked to last week – the “Ways for Dads to Change the World” piece – was actually originally published last October. I know, I should really start paying attention to post dates.

All the better, though, because you can now peruse a whole slew of additional ways that dads can change the world – including fighting for paternity leave and playing video games with your kids. Jeremy’s up to number 12 of 25 right now.

Also interesting is Jeremy’s motivation for why he – a father – should write for Mothering magazine, which one commentator saw as possibly being inherently disenfranchising toward fathers.

Jeremy’s response to this:

The fact that I write for Mothering magazine should tell you that Mothering has made a deliberate decision to start including fathers in their pages, in pictures and articles. Not because they’re shifting the focus away from moms — it’s still very much a magazine about the special issues moms face — but because they want to depict parenting as a cooperative activity, a partnership. As the editor, Peggy O’Mara, has made clear, that’s come about because they’ve seen fathers change and become more cooperative, more like co-parents. Fathers need examples of caring fatherhood, but women need to see those examples, too. Father involvement is something all of us have to value. There is nothing in the magazine, however, that says you do not exist–quite the opposite is true. Mothering embraces fathering, don’t doubt it for a second.

Why did I choose Mothering as a venue for the series? Mainly because I think it’s world-changing for a mom magazine to welcome father’s voice. The context seemed right.

That, I think, is the real meaning behind the Daddy Shift. It isn’t about all or nothing, one way or the other, or fathers replacing mothers, or even doing the same things as traditionally mothers have done – but about both coming to an equally shared, coordinated way of parenting.

Feb 14, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

The Virtues of a Slow-Moving Dad

Michael Winerip, of the New York Times, considers the growing cadre of men who are experiencing fatherhood late in life. For many, it’s the first time being a dad – but for others, it’s a second round of fatherhood, with the new perk of ample time to be with their young children as they grow.

This time, Mr. Fliegelman, whose wife, Josephine, 50, is a speech therapist, is anchoring the household. When his first child, Bessie, now 33, was born, he was literally coming up from the underground, from a life on the edge as a radical activist with the Weathermen. He was a single father sharing custody of Bessie, working at a private school and studying nights to become certified to teach in the public schools. “A struggle,” Mr. Fliegelman said. “A very harried life.”

Three years ago, when Isaac was 2, Mr. Fliegelman retired, after 25 years as a New York City special education teacher. “The thing that’s most amazing to me this time,” he said, “there are days I can think about Isaac and nothing else. I mean, I think about making dinner, but I can give him an enormous amount of undivided attention.”

The real value of Presence… Maybe we don’t understand its importance in parenting until we’re old.

(Via The Evolution of Dad.)

Feb 14, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , :: #

Fifty Way for Dads to Change the World

A new series of columns for Mothering.com, by “The Daddy Shift” author Jeremy Adam Smith, about the “personal and political ways dads can make a difference in their communities.”

The first way: attend every prenatal class and doctor’s appointment. It’s something Jeremy fails miserably at, too. (Hey, nobody’s perfect.)

Feb 11, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

'Mr. Mom's World'

A Salon article from a full ten years ago that shares the stories and stereotypes of Stay at Home Dads. Interesting to see what’s changed, and what’s stayed the same.

(Via Playground Dad.)

Feb 08, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

A Conversation with Cormac McCarthy

The Wall Street Journal has a conversation with author Cormac McCarthy and director John Hillcoat, preceding the release of the film adaptation of McCarthy’s 2006 novel “The Road” – a post-apocalyptic story of a father’s and son’s struggle for survival.

McCarthy shares some very poignant thoughts on writing, getting older in life, and fatherhood. I was especially moved by this passage in the conversation, offered in response to a question of whether he felt humans were innately good:

I don’t think goodness is something that you learn. If you’re left adrift in the world to learn goodness from it, you would be in trouble. But people tell me from time to time that my son John is just a wonderful kid. I tell people that he is so morally superior to me that I feel foolish correcting him about things, but I’ve got to do something—I’m his father. There’s not much you can do to try to make a child into something that he’s not. But whatever he is, you can sure destroy it. Just be mean and cruel and you can destroy the best person.

Nov 14, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

Jeremy Adam Smith Reviews "Manhood for Amateurs"

Jeremy Adam Smith, author of “The Daddy Shift” and blogger at Daddy Dialectic, reviews classic novelist Michael Chabon’s new book, “Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son.”

In short, manhood collapsed because men stopped believing in it – and it shattered, as did the formerly communist countries, into a Babel of smaller nations: patriarchal conservatism, metrosexualism, hip-hop hedonism, stay-at-home fatherhood, a dozen gay subcultures and more.

Across this ruined landscape strides Pulitzer-Prize winning novelist Michael Chabon, a nebbish colossus, essays in hand. But in “Manhood for Amateurs,” Chabon is not concerned with why manhood fell. No utopian, he is not even explicitly interested in building some shiny new city on the ruins of the old.

He’d rather play the role of pith-helmeted archaeologist, excavating the sites of his own private Sahara in search of fragments – Lego bricks, Wacky Packages, baseball cards, Jack Kirby comic books, his father’s stethoscope – around which he can weave clever little stories.

Leave it to the rather brilliant Chabon to tackle a subject so personally and poignantly. Oh, and: the book also features the now-trademark-Chabon style of cover art. Just breathtaking.

Oct 12, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #