Daniel makes stuff, and, in his spare time, writes about things like movies, kid culture, and geek stuff.
More Ways for Dads to Change the World

So as it ends up, that piece that Jeremy Adam Smith wrote that I linked to last week – the “Ways for Dads to Change the World” piece – was actually originally published last October. I know, I should really start paying attention to post dates.

All the better, though, because you can now peruse a whole slew of additional ways that dads can change the world – including fighting for paternity leave and playing video games with your kids. Jeremy’s up to number 12 of 25 right now.

Also interesting is Jeremy’s motivation for why he – a father – should write for Mothering magazine, which one commentator saw as possibly being inherently disenfranchising toward fathers.

Jeremy’s response to this:

The fact that I write for Mothering magazine should tell you that Mothering has made a deliberate decision to start including fathers in their pages, in pictures and articles. Not because they’re shifting the focus away from moms — it’s still very much a magazine about the special issues moms face — but because they want to depict parenting as a cooperative activity, a partnership. As the editor, Peggy O’Mara, has made clear, that’s come about because they’ve seen fathers change and become more cooperative, more like co-parents. Fathers need examples of caring fatherhood, but women need to see those examples, too. Father involvement is something all of us have to value. There is nothing in the magazine, however, that says you do not exist–quite the opposite is true. Mothering embraces fathering, don’t doubt it for a second.

Why did I choose Mothering as a venue for the series? Mainly because I think it’s world-changing for a mom magazine to welcome father’s voice. The context seemed right.

That, I think, is the real meaning behind the Daddy Shift. It isn’t about all or nothing, one way or the other, or fathers replacing mothers, or even doing the same things as traditionally mothers have done – but about both coming to an equally shared, coordinated way of parenting.

Feb 14, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

Fifty Way for Dads to Change the World

A new series of columns for Mothering.com, by “The Daddy Shift” author Jeremy Adam Smith, about the “personal and political ways dads can make a difference in their communities.”

The first way: attend every prenatal class and doctor’s appointment. It’s something Jeremy fails miserably at, too. (Hey, nobody’s perfect.)

Feb 11, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

'Mr. Mom's World'

A Salon article from a full ten years ago that shares the stories and stereotypes of Stay at Home Dads. Interesting to see what’s changed, and what’s stayed the same.

(Via Playground Dad.)

Feb 08, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

'Shared (Not Divided) Parenting'

Another great essay by Lisa Belkin, over at the New York Times.

Feb 04, 2010 :: Tagged under: , :: #

Four Observations on the 'Bad Parenting' Movement

Speaking of, Jeremy Adam Smith recently shared four observations in response to the increasing social discussion and media coverage of what’s been labeled the “Bad Parenting” trend – a sentiment perhaps encapsulated best in author Ayelet Waldman’s new book, “Bad Mother”.

Smith’s first observation on the matter is, I’m beginning to think, the biggest elephant in the room:

Fathers are pretty much defined as “bad parents,” as the term is being popularly used. When we talk about proud “bad parents,” most of the time we’re really talking about “bad mothers” who are rebelling against the idea that they must be perfect to be good. […] Waldman’s “Bad Mother” is a reaction against the unrealistic, cognitively dissonant standards to which mothers are held. Meanwhile, fathers are not held, and do not hold themselves, to the same standards. When fathers reveal their foibles and failures as parents, they do it, by and large, with a laugh. They are allowed to be human.

I think Scott Hick’s upcoming movie “The Boys Are Back” (featuring actor Clive Owen) is a great example of this: the implicit assumption in the film’s reality, and what motivates the story’s drama, is this notion that “Dads Can’t Raise Kids Alone.” Through the course of the film, though, Clive Owen’s character must expectedly prove, against all odds, that it can be done – that the boys are, indeed, back and the world is still going to be alright with that.

Movies like this, and books like Waldman’s “Bad Mother”, Michael Chabon’s “Manhood for Amateurs”, Jeremy Adam Smith’s “The Daddy Shift”, and, to an extent, Lenore Skenazy’s “Free Range Kids” all seem to grasp at what might be considered a social splintering of gender expectations and family roles. The West – and America – has traditionally always had a very rigid, simplified structure concerning gender and family roles – and now we’re beginning to see this structure opened up and diversified.

Naturally as with any social change in values and beliefs, this splintering has generated controversy, public hesitation, and drama along the way. But I think it’s important to realise that change isn’t always necessarily a bad thing.

Nov 30, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

The Daddy Identity Crisis

Lisa Belkin, from the New York Times’ Motherlode Blog, interviews Jeremy Adam Smith – whose new book, “The Daddy Shift,” chronicles both his own personal journey to becoming a stay-at-home dad and is a sociological examination of the growing social trend for more and more new fathers to stay at home with their children.

Belkin conducted a great Q&A, and the piece is a fine introduction to Smith’s work if you’re not already familiar with his blog, Daddy Dialectic.

Q. Do men and women see “taking care of the family” as meaning different things? Traditionally? How about now?

A. For centuries, men have seen breadwinning as the most important part of parenting. When my grandfather went to work at a quarry every day, he saw himself as being a good father. Indeed, to men of his generation, breadwinning was parenting.

So when working-class men organized themselves into unions and fought for pay, respect and benefits, they were fighting for their families. Parenthood drove middle-class men to jockey for promotions. For men of all social classes, parenting was all about a paycheck, not care, and their families needed that paycheck. Their jobs set the limits for their worlds, both inner and outer. Depriving a man of employment could destroy him and cut him off from his wife and children.

That dynamic has changed. Today, 80 percent of mothers work and a third of wives make more money than their husbands. In response, men have evolved, though many people fail to see it. Since 1965 the number of hours that men spend on childcare has tripled. Since 1995 it has nearly doubled. Fathers now spend more time with their children than at any time since researchers started collecting longitudinally comparable data.

I call it “the daddy shift” — the gradual movement away from a definition of fatherhood as breadwinning to one that encompasses a capacity of caregiving. Stay-at-home dads are the leading edge of the shift, but even sole-breadwinning dads are taking on more care than they did in the past.

May 27, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , :: #