Daniel makes stuff, and, in his spare time, writes about things like movies, kid culture, and geek stuff.
Psychology Today Interviews Walker Lamond

Maybe you remember him – he’s the guy that penned the great blog/book, 1001 Rules for My Unborn Son. Melissa Blake interviews Walker for Psychology Today magazine, and I always love hearing his thoughts: it’s this perhaps unknowing social-psychological commentary that he offers, this analysis of the implicit assumptions and expectations we make of children and childhood in society – externalised as rules – that really gives me lots to chew on.

Of course, I also liked his answer to this question:

How do you think sons of today differ from the sons of your generation?

I actually don’t think boys change all that much. The idea that “kids today” don’t measure up to their dads and grandfathers is the lament of every generation. Really, it’s the environment we live in that has changed. It’s not kids’ fault that they didn’t grow up on a farm or can’t play after dark in their neighborhood. So parents just have to work harder to create those opportunities. In the old days, you couldn’t go outside until you did your homework. Maybe now you can’t do your homework until after you’ve gone outside.

Feb 24, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

"Don't Make Me Come Back There While I'm Driving!"

Always fun stuff happening over at the New York Times’ Motherlode Blog. This issue: “Parents Say the Darndest Things.”

Via Well Versed Mom.

Feb 19, 2010 :: Tagged under: , :: #

"Judgy Horseshit" and the Kid- and Parent-Haters

In retrospect, I was apparently far too tame in my response to Details Magazine’s “Is your kid a douchebag?” article.

To compensate, Kelly Hogaboom has the “modern, earnestly-tries parent who’s sick of the Hate” perspective down. She delightfully unravels some of the more absurd generalisations of the Details Magazine piece – and the countless others that have gone before it – and she (fairly) calls foul on its general lack of truthiness.

I know what you’re thinking: Why fuss? It’s a blip on the screen. Yet, I see so much of this sort of thing: an author inexpert on the topic, gathering up a bunch of “authorities” to make a bunch of sweeping claims about Parents and Kids Today, as if today’s parenting culture was a monolith of Borg-like assholes going through the motions, rather than a complex, heavily nuanced series of mores, values, and traditions being fought in the trenches by, you know, real people.

I think that’s just it. Kelly’s response calls out the damaging nature of our society’s apparent infatuation with so-called “Experts” and authority figures who tell us how we’re getting our kids’ lives “wrong” – and it highlights the need for us to acknowledge the overwhelming complexities of parenting (cf. Ayelet Waldman’s “Bad Mother”).

Very rarely is anything in this life simple… and I would say that the Parent-Child relationship is about the furthest thing yet from that.

Feb 19, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

The Fantastic Truth of Calvin and Hobbes

Nevin Martell (author of the recent book, “Looking for Calvin and Hobbes”):

We still love Calvin and Hobbes because it manages to make imagination real – and that is a rare thing indeed.

Feb 17, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

Exploring the Forest: Wild Places in Childhood (PDF)

Some really wonderful stuff in here.

Even if you’re familiar with much of the “children in nature” literature, preschool teacher Anna Golden brings it all together so very nicely with this narrative account of her class’s exploration of the nearby woods. A completely enjoyable read, all throughout.

Don’t forget to check out the references at the end – there’s some fantastic writing there, with Rich Louv, Robin Moore and Roger Hart’s works about children in nature; Louise Chawla, Elizabeth Goodenough and David Sobel’s explorations of the meaning of places in childhood; and lastly, writing about the Reggio Emilia philosophy of education. I’d recommend every one of them.

Feb 03, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

A Decade of Children's Media

Amy Kraft shares what she feels are the past decade’s most groundbreaking products and contributions to children’s media: from Dora the Explorer, Yo Gabba Gabba and They Might Be Giant’s “No!” album – media and cultural artifacts that have become loved by children – to YouTube, the Nintendo Wii and Apple’s iPhone – technological breakthroughs that have changed the very fundamental ways in which children interact with media and culture.

Astonishing to think about how different all of this – kids’ mediated cultures and the ways they contribute to and interact with childhood – was even just ten years ago. A lot can happen in a decade, I guess.

Jan 01, 2010 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

The World's Children

The Sacramento Bee, in their photo blog The Frame:

Arun Kumar was born to disabled parents, beaten by his grandparents, ran away from home, got a job in a garment factory and had all his savings stolen by the police. He was only 11.

Today, at 13, he shares a cramped, dingy shelter with 63 other runaways and former street kids in New Delhi. He is one of the lucky ones.

A wrenching reminder of the conditions facing many of the world’s children. To paraphrase Jason Flom, “Our complaints in America are the complaints of the fortunate.”

Nov 22, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

Cool 'Rules' for Unborn Sons

USA Today’s Whitney Matheson takes a look at the new book “Rules for My Unborn Son,” by Walker Lamond. Lamond first started the project a while back as a blog, 1001 Rules for My Unborn Son, and it’s been great to follow as it’s progressed. (I first wrote about it back when the blog got started.)

Matheson seems to take well to the new book version – and she also shares a great list of songs from Lamond that he says every boy should listen to.

Now with all this advice, playlists, and rules, I feel totally set. All I just need is an unborn kid to parent.

Nov 12, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

"As Goes Halloween, So Goes Childhood"

Well this is it. Tonight is the night – the eve of tricks or treats, costume delights, and Linus van Pelt’s Great Pumpkin. Halloween has been a call for festive celebration for hundreds of years, but many are worried about a different sort of fear – the not-so-helpful kind – that’s co-opted the holiday and turned it into a gutless, no-room-for-frights, coddling, and above all, “safe” event.

Lenore Skenazy writes an implored defense in support of the real Halloween for the Huffington Post – arguing that, “as goes Halloween, so goes Childhood.”

In England last year a man was ordered by his landlord to take down his lawn decorations because the zombies were too “realistic.”

In other words: They looked too much like…real zombies?

Our fears are so overblown they’d be laughable if they didn’t sound so much like the fears that are haunting us the rest of the year. Fears that have lead to parents to wait with their kids at the school bus stop, and keep them inside on sunny afternoons. Fears that make parents forbid their kids from skipping down the street to invite a friend out to play. That’s the everyday version of Halloween fear: The fear that we cannot trust our children amongst our neighbors for one single second because, who knows, they might be pedophiles just waiting to pounce.

If you want to see what childhood is becoming, look how at what Halloween has already become: A parent-planned, climate-controlled, child-coddled, corporate-sponsored “event,” where kids are considered too delicate to even survive the sight of a scary costume. You know. Like if someone came dressed as a slightly torn Snickers.

Oct 31, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

In Support of Scary Movies

Fittingly in time for Halloween, Reece Shearsmith, writing for the BBC Magazine, asks: “Is it good for us to feel scared?”

Why do we expose ourselves to this fear? In certain situations, people enjoy being frightened. Perhaps it has something to do with the primal nature of fear. As the American author HP Lovecraft wrote, “The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”

Horror in all its various genres can achieve many things. It reveals people facing fears and desires; it asks us to observe our social and individual assumptions; it can produce imaginative worlds in which, for a time, we escape from the problems and triviality of our day to day lives; it can make us chuckle at ourselves; and, most significantly, it can entertain and be fun.

We also shouldn’t shirk from exposing our kids to fear:

Horror stories offer a playground in which children, and adults, can play at fear. There is nothing wrong with being scared. It’s a survival response. And having young children as I now do, I am mindful of what goes into their heads.

One of my earliest terrors was the witch in Disney’s Snow White, and the image of her evil face and devil-horned head dress has always stayed with me.

Today children’s films often have the warning “mild peril”.

This indeterminate definition, I think, is fundamental when realising we don’t really know what will stay with and give children nightmares for years. It might be a face we see in the swirl of patterned wallpaper, or a smiling doll, or a painting of Jesus in a children’s bible.

It begs to be answered: How do we ever really know what is “too scary” for kids?

Forget about relying on blanket statements or ratings that label movies too “grown up” or “honest” for kids. (That was one of my huge irks about the critical coverage of Spike Jonze’s “Where the Wild Things Are”. Fear is completely unique to each individual – even Max Records, the actor who played Max, said the movie’s scariness “depends on the kid. There are parts of it that are pretty intense. When I was 7 years old, I could not have seen this movie. It would’ve scared me. But my younger brother, who’s now 7, could’ve seen this a year ago. It depends on the kid.”)

But beyond that, why are we treating fear as a negative thing? We have to come to grips with fear itself, I think – and acknowledge that fear is a normal, even sometimes desirable human emotion. Kids are entitled to a full range of emotions, and we have to give it to them. We can’t stop them from seeking it. Children need to feel an edge of un-control sometimes – they need to feel that wildness.

The great thing about stories and books and movies, though, is that it gives children – and adults – a place to play out these fears and emotions.

Appropriately, the guys at We Love You So have just put up a post about the scary and frightful movies from their own childhoods and beyond – from “Poltergeist” and “The Watcher in the Woods” to “Paperhouse” and “Pan’s Labyrinth.” And they want to know: what are some of the favorites from your own childhood?

Oct 30, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

Venturing Into the Land of the Wild Things

NPR spends some time talking with author Dave Eggers, who co-wrote the film adaptation of “Where the Wild Things Are.” I think I’ve covered the film and its history pretty well, but saw this bit and had to include it.

Eggers tells Melissa Block that his attraction to the Wild Things project sprung from his love of the Maurice Sendak children’s book upon which the movie is based. He was particularly drawn to Sendak’s vision of free-form childhood:

“I spent most of my time growing up … in the woods making forts, breaking stuff and playing in the mud,” he says. “I think most kids, but boys especially, need to sometimes pick up a stick and hit other trees with it.”

Eggers contrasts that aspect of his youth with the depictions of childhood commonly seen in modern Hollywood movies: “You see a much more indoor version of childhood,” he says. “It’s safe and sanitary.”

There’s so much truth in that.

Oct 18, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

Feeling Good About Feeling Old?

I really need to work on this.

Oct 12, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , :: #

Body Image Worries 'Affecting 8-Year-Olds'

A recent Australian psychological study by Deakin University professor Lina Ricciardelli examines young children’s self-esteem when making comparisons about their body shapes and weight with their peers – and notes a clear gender-differentiation, with young girls being most vulnerable to damaging self-assessments.

The researcher said she had focused on the eight-to-10 year range because it was at that age that children began defining themselves and their body images in relation to their peers.

School and health authorities have long been alert to the risk of eating disorders among teenagers, but the Deakin University study confirms that weight worries can begin far earlier.

“Often acting on it can come later, in the next few years,” Professor Ricciardelli said.

Oct 02, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

Michael Chabon and The Wilderness of Childhood

A truly perfect Fourth of July treat from author Michael Chabon:

But the Wilderness of Childhood, as any kid could attest who grew up, like my father, on the streets of Flatbush in the Forties, had nothing to do with trees or nature. I could lose myself on vacant lots and playgrounds, in the alleyway behind the Wawa, in the neighbors’ yards, on the sidewalks. Anywhere, in short, I could reach on my bicycle, a 1970 Schwinn Typhoon, Coke-can red with a banana seat, a sissy bar, and ape-hanger handlebars. On it I covered the neighborhood in a regular route for half a mile in every direction. I knew the locations of all my classmates’ houses, the number of pets and siblings they had, the brand of popsicle they served, the potential dangerousness of their fathers. …

Childhood is, or has been, or ought to be, the great original adventure, a tale of privation, courage, constant vigilance, danger, and sometimes calamity. For the most part the young adventurer sets forth equipped only with the fragmentary map—marked here there be tygers and mean kid with air rifle—that he or she has been able to construct out of a patchwork of personal misfortune, bedtime reading, and the accumulated local lore of the neighborhood children.

Reading this is worth every ounce of the time and attention it asks of you.

(Via the tastily-named Media Macaroni.)

Jul 04, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #

Happiness: It's All About Experiences

I love this piece from Montessori teacher Anja Geelen, entitled “Happiness, it is all about experiences.”

Experiences, on the other hand, continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event occurred. An experience that gives richness to your life will create a feeling of happiness that will last for months or even years to come. For whatever you can afford, you’ll maximise your happiness, and the happiness of others around you, if you spend it on a life experience, experts say.

She also considers the importance of wisdom in self-development – and wisdom can only come through experience, as Barry Schwartz says. For parents this is especially poignant.

Driving your child from soccer practice to ballet dancing, from piano lessons to language lessons, may make your child more knowledgeable or skillful or even brilliant, it will not make your child more wise. While children do need to become knowledgeable and skillful to be successful later in life, they also need unscheduled free time to have a childhood of play and exploration where they can have experiences that will give them wisdom and enrichment.

This kind of perspective is one that you can never get enough of.

Jun 11, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , :: #

1001 Rules for My Unborn Son

From Walker Lamond, a list of one-thousand-and-one rules about life for his yet-to-get-here son. (As he puts it, “Let’s get some things straight before I get old and uncool.”)

He’s got a book based on the idea coming out soon, too. (Inevitably it will be handed out at every baby shower on the planet. But you know what? That’s a good thing.)

A few of my favorite rules:

Rule #369. “You don’t get to pick your nickname.” (Just ask “Sluggy” Bogart.)

Rule #365. “Sadly, some things we love will never come back. The fedora is one of them.”

353. “See it on the big screen.”

I really like lists, but I never remember to make them. Perhaps I should start; any suggestions for random things to keep track of?

Mar 23, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #