Daniel makes stuff, and, in his spare time, writes about things like movies, kid culture, and geek stuff.
Four Observations on the 'Bad Parenting' Movement

Speaking of, Jeremy Adam Smith recently shared four observations in response to the increasing social discussion and media coverage of what’s been labeled the “Bad Parenting” trend – a sentiment perhaps encapsulated best in author Ayelet Waldman’s new book, “Bad Mother”.

Smith’s first observation on the matter is, I’m beginning to think, the biggest elephant in the room:

Fathers are pretty much defined as “bad parents,” as the term is being popularly used. When we talk about proud “bad parents,” most of the time we’re really talking about “bad mothers” who are rebelling against the idea that they must be perfect to be good. […] Waldman’s “Bad Mother” is a reaction against the unrealistic, cognitively dissonant standards to which mothers are held. Meanwhile, fathers are not held, and do not hold themselves, to the same standards. When fathers reveal their foibles and failures as parents, they do it, by and large, with a laugh. They are allowed to be human.

I think Scott Hick’s upcoming movie “The Boys Are Back” (featuring actor Clive Owen) is a great example of this: the implicit assumption in the film’s reality, and what motivates the story’s drama, is this notion that “Dads Can’t Raise Kids Alone.” Through the course of the film, though, Clive Owen’s character must expectedly prove, against all odds, that it can be done – that the boys are, indeed, back and the world is still going to be alright with that.

Movies like this, and books like Waldman’s “Bad Mother”, Michael Chabon’s “Manhood for Amateurs”, Jeremy Adam Smith’s “The Daddy Shift”, and, to an extent, Lenore Skenazy’s “Free Range Kids” all seem to grasp at what might be considered a social splintering of gender expectations and family roles. The West – and America – has traditionally always had a very rigid, simplified structure concerning gender and family roles – and now we’re beginning to see this structure opened up and diversified.

Naturally as with any social change in values and beliefs, this splintering has generated controversy, public hesitation, and drama along the way. But I think it’s important to realise that change isn’t always necessarily a bad thing.

Nov 30, 2009 :: Tagged under: , , , , :: #